So This Is What I Get? Joy?

Chapter Two

I’m Packing Pisteuo

It ripped into my Christian home, the disease called "unacceptable," and just slapped my soul’s canvas wildly till I was turned inside out. 

Sometimes a woman’s heart pounds till it bleeds like an open wound.

Sometimes she falls, shaken by seizure and slain on the sidelines where she's watched her husband get swallowed whole.

But she doesn't stay down. She can't; because she's served the name of the Lord long enough to know the sound of His heart drumming, "Onward, Christian soldier;" and because He's served her. 

“Behold," He's said before and says still, "I send an Angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place I have prepared” (Exodus 23:20). 

His Word is daunting. It’s daunting to hear that wherever I’m following is where it will take angel strength to keep me from running away. 

But, I’m not a deserter. I’m not alone.

When the air is sucked right out of burning lungs, the determination to breathe intensifies; and when a woman’s home is under siege the homemaker in her rises up fiercely. 

“So,” she says as she unties her apron and straps on the ammo, “there’s no other way?” She removes the house shoes, laces up the combat boots, and lets out a “Oo-rah!” any marine would be proud of. “Let’s roll!”

I'm packing truth, faith, hope and I'm aiming to pisteuo.

Let's Roll!

“My angel will go before you and bring you in to the Amorites and the Hittites and the Perizzites and the Canaanites and the Hivites and the Jebusites; and I will cut them off” (Exodus 23:23). He is nearly singing “Onward Christian Soldiers” out loud to me.

“What do I call Him?” I ask, because He is mysterious.

God answers, “My name is in Him.”

“Good enough,” I say. I don’t want to take the mystery out of it. It’s what I call Him, this Exodus angel. 

He speaks with the authority of the Lord, and some say He is the Lord. Everything He says comes from the name that is in Him. And the things He says! He tells me how to fight the -ites—my Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, and Jebusites.

He says it all with wild grin. “Completely smash their strongholds!” He says it without batting an eye.

But I do. I blink hard and wide-eyed. I’m a soldier in the making, and I don’t have a Purple Heart but a red one that beats real blood, and sometimes that blood is like icy fear in my veins.

Thing is, I’ve followed Him this far and I believe all He says about fulfilling my days with blessings so great I wouldn’t believe it if any other name spoke it. 

But it’s not just any name: it’s “My name is in Him.”

And so we go, this angel, tough; and I, not.

He battles odd. He does. The way in is the way out; the battles against the enemies are already won though I watch Him cut them off, and the commands He gives are commands He's fulfilled though I must obey them still.

The way is dangerous, but He tells me to fear Him and then leads me in to the enemies where I enter into His victory. 

I wonder what it’s going to look like, victory like this. Something beautiful. I can’t imagine, not really, not the whole of it. But I’m seeing it little by little-the way in and through. 

And my soul can visualize what He says is-the desert at my back, the river Euphrates at my front, and the sea at my side.

The Desert at my Back

Yeah, I've seized. I've stopped breathing for the pain then gasped with incredulity, “What? Beware of the Angel? What about the -ites and the earth-shaking roar, ‘Devour!’”

“What about that?” God asks. How like God to answer my question with His question, my incredulity with His credibility.

I want a “real” answer, so I ask again, “What about that -ite battle cry? Do you hear them roar? My skin is shaking!” 

He knows what I really want to know, and draws the answer from me with His questions.

“What about credulity? 

"What about trusting My credibility? 

"What about believing what I know? 

"I am the faithful One.” 

He speaks pisteuo to me. I recognize the words-trust, believe, and faith.

Them’s fightin’ words! It comes unbidden to my mind; but trust, believe, and faith are ammunition for the likes of me. 

The “what about” is all about this-pisteuo.

It's about God, first, believing in what He says-and doing it. It has to be about this.

And it's about me believing in what He  says-and doing it. Pisteuo is a verb.

Tough 

This Angel, He’s already said what He’s doing about me. 

He’s already said what He’s doing about the enemies. “I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries.” (Exodus 23:22). 

He’s led me in to enemy territory.

He's given me His commands to serve and bow down to Him. This is how I'll completely overthrow the enemies. 

It’s His battle plan, and I 'm learning to do it.

This Angel, he’s tougher than leather and knows how to tan a hide. 

I’m not. I’d rather stay home and bake biscuits. “You’re going to cut off the enemies, right?” I ask Him.

“Yep, and you’re not going to be baking biscuits.” He knows my thoughts. “Saddle up, sweetheart. We’re gonna fetch a cartload of joy for you.”

His words reveal His identity. 

He’s done this before when the stakes were higher. 

He endured the cross-the cross- for the joy set before Him. 

My breath catches. So this is what I get for practicing pisteuo, I think to myself. Joy! 

I obey reverently.


written by: Carolyn-Elizabeth Roehrig